For the first time since 1992, Brett Favre watched from the sideline as the New York Giants defeated the Minnesota Vikings 21-3. After the game, Brett’s next-of-kin were called and gave the coaching staff a “do not resuscitate career” order.
Wal-Mart will soon offer wine in vending machines. In keeping with long-standing company policy, the vintages offered will be limited to those bottled in Third World Countries from grapes picked and crushed by underage vineyard workers.
Responding to customer complaints that their mouthwash tastes too much like a doctor’s office smells, the makers of Listerine introduced a “less medicinal” version called “Zero.” It still tastes like a doctor’s office, but at an HMO.
Returning from lunch, a musician in London discovered his $1.9 million Stradivarius had been stolen from his car. Police soon arrested a freeway on-ramp beggar holding up a sign that said: “Will play Flight of the Bumblebee for food.”
British researchers discovered that the brains of jet pilots are genetically wired to make critical decisions under pressure more quickly -- like determining safe altitude, assimilating navigational data, and making multiple cocktail choices prior to takeoff.
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