The F.B.I. now admits that the Russian spy plot might have gone undetected but for an alert elementary school teacher in Queens who noticed one of her students in the cafeteria drinking borscht he’d brought to school in a Karl Marx lunch box.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says she’s busy making final arrangements for the wedding of daughter Chelsea who will marry childhood sweetheart Marc Mesvinsky on July 31 at the estate of billionaire John Jacob Astor. Bill Clinton, meanwhile, is in charge of Marc’s bachelor party at Hooters in Westchester.
Lady Gaga has become the first living celebrity to collect more than 10 million fans on Facebook, although she still trails Michael Jackson who, of course, is dead. But she may best Michael at his own game -- there are rumors that she’s hired his doctor to anesthetize one of her Ga’s.
Female Disney employees may now wear skirts without the stockings previously required to hide their legs. The announcement was made on the same day the Little Mermaid’s sports bra and Annette Funicello’s white turtleneck Mouseketeer jersey were formally retired.
Republican national Committee Chairman Michael Steele stunned reporters with his claim that it was Barack Obama who originally ordered U.S. troops into Afghanistan. When asked for his source, he claimed he’d first read it in print on Sarah Palin’s palm.
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Excerpted From THE LAUGH MAKERS
BAR EXAM
Sometimes, problems didn’t arise until after a show had been taped which made them even more troublesome and costly. One year, we did a Halloween special on which one of the guests was Cassandra Peterson, well-known as a Charles Addams-like character named Elvira. She appeared in a parody of the popular sitcom “Cheers” as a customer in the bar opposite Hope as the show’s bartender, Coach. In our sketch, Cassandra entered the bar, looked Hope up and down, and said, “Nice job. Who’s your undertaker?”
The Halloween special was set to air on Sunday night but on Friday, Nick Callesandro, the actor who played “Coach” on Cheers, suffered a sudden heart attack at his home in Burbank and died. Minutes after the grim news was broadcast, my phone rang. It was Hope with instructions to call the writers and have them begin working on a replacement line that could be dubbed onto the master tape, which had already been delivered to the network. In the meantime, he said, he would notify Cassandra to meet us at the sound studio for the emergency-looping session.
The line we were to come up with not only had to make sense in the context of the sketch, but it also had to match as closely as possible the actress’s lip movements. We tried five or six replacements until everyone settled on “Nice job. Did your makeup man quit?” The syllables matched perfectly and even on a large studio monitor, it was difficult to tell that her voice had been dubbed.
It was only a small change, but Hope had gone to the trouble and expense of fixing the line, knowing that failure to do so might make him appear crass and unfeeling to a television audience unaware that segments of so-called “live” shows are often taped well-in-advance. When it came to protecting his image in the eyes of the public, Hope’s judgment was usually sound.
Tomorrow: The first moon landing makes it into Hope’s monologue
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A Longtime Bob Hope Joke Writer Presents Daily Insightful Topical Satire Of Current Events (Illustrated) Plus Rare Photos From Hollywood's Bygone Era And Excerpts From THE LAUGH MAKERS By Robert L. Mills -- Color Photos From the Book and Rare Classic Vintage Video Clips! Send Your Show Biz Questions to "ASK BOB" at: TheLaughMakers@GMail.com
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