[] Al Qaida vows jihad against the Vatican----Muslim leaders demand an apology----Pope Benedict XVI says he regrets the reaction to his comments in the Muslim world. (ABC News 9/18)
Vatican lawyers are working around the clock to find a loophole in that infallibility thing he's so proud of.
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[] Vatican dispatches papal nuncios to Muslim countries to perform damage control. (USA Today 9/19)
"Nuncio" is a Latin word meaning "Holy Catholic and Apostolic Spinmeister."
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[] Benedict's plans to visit Turkey in November will go forward----with increased security. (USA Today 9/21)
I'll say. His Swiss Guards have been issued lead-lined tutus.
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[] An amateur ornithologist in India has discovered the first new bird species found there in over 50 years----the "Bungun Liocichia," a breed of babbler. (Time Magazine 9/25)
It's already been designated the official bird of "The View."
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[] According to the Public Library of Science Medicine, the average life expectancy in Minnesota is 78.8 years while Californians live to 78.2. (USA Today 9/19)
Easily explainable. Minnesotan corpses need that extra six months just to thaw out.
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[] Police in Breaux Bridge, LA charged Willie Nelson with possession of marijuana and hallucinatory mushrooms. (USA Today 9/19)
Seems Willie decided to take matters into his own hands after Papa John refused to make him a controlled substance pizza.
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[] A former press officer with Homeland Security pleads guilty of attempting to date a 14-year old girl online. (USA Today 9/20)
It's not nice to fool Neil Clark Warren.
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[] In his new book "State of Emergency," Pat Buchanan points out that immigrants from Mexico outnumber all English, Irish and Jewish immigrants arriving over the past 400 years. (USA Today 9/19)
Which would have been different if Jews were willing to pick lettuce.
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Admit it----you'd just love to get the lowdown on that creep who keeps showing up at the Al Anon meetings... or the lovable pervert who lives over on Elm. Relax. Help is but a click away ]----------------------------------------------->
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[] Turkish novelist and University of Arizona professor of Middle Eastern studies Elif Shafar is being tried in Istanbul for "insulting Turkishness" in a recent book. (USA Today 9/20)
Not quite as insulting as the pope's insult of "Muslimness," but insulting.
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[] Scientists have discovered what they believe is the first "walking shark" on the ocean floor off the coast of Indonesia. (ABC News 9/18)
Big deal. Lawyers have always known how to walk.
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[] USC officials have complained to ABC/ESPN about comments by Brent Musburger that revealed secret hand signals Trojan quarterback John Booty was using in USC's win against Nebraska. (USA Today 9/20)
Actually, Brent got them from Scooter Libby who got them from Robert Novak.
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[] Thirty baseballs autographed by Pete Rose along with the inscription "I'm sorry I bet on baseball" are upfor auction on eBay. (USA Today 9/19)
Also available in a gift set with an autographed football from O.J. saying "Sorry I killed Ron and Nicole."
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[] Five Duquesne basketball players were shot outside a school dance by an unidentified gunman. (USA Today 9/19)
Yet another example of the alarming rise in campus binge-sniping.
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[] The National Park Service is considering a plan to poison prairie dogs that invade grazing land in National Parks leased to cattle ranchers. (USA Today 9/20)
The ones not already destroyed by motorcycles and all terrain vehicles.
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[] The White House office of National Drug Control Policy will run anti-drug videos on YouTube. (USA Today 9/20)
Narrated by Rush Limbaugh.
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[] Sponsors now pay to "integrate" product references in TV story lines. (USA Today 9/20)
Even crime dramas are not immune to the insidious hype----like this season's "CSI: Proctor & Gamble."
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[] Ecology-conscious communities are installing sidewalks made from discarded auto tires that are less damaging to trees and roots. (USA Today 9/20)
The sidewalks along Rodeo Drive are made exclusively from old Michelin steel-belted radials.
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[] NASA scientists theorize that the objects seen following the space shuttle Atlantis could be a small pieces that fell off the craft. (USA Today 9/20)
New rule at NASA: No more valet parking.
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POLL QUESTION: Will Bush invade Iran within a year?
To vote, write to: Jokesmith@peoplepc.com and write "Yes" or "No" in the Subject Box. Results will be announced in a future post.
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A Longtime Bob Hope Joke Writer Presents Daily Insightful Topical Satire Of Current Events (Illustrated) Plus Rare Photos From Hollywood's Bygone Era And Excerpts From THE LAUGH MAKERS By Robert L. Mills -- Color Photos From the Book and Rare Classic Vintage Video Clips! Send Your Show Biz Questions to "ASK BOB" at: TheLaughMakers@GMail.com
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