Cocoanuts

[] Keith Richards is hospitalized after falling out of a palm tree in Fiji. (ABC Radio 4/29)

If Mick told him once, he's told him a hundred times "Never try to trash a palm tree."

[] Rush Limbaugh agreed to plead guilty to one count of doctor shopping, concluding the investigation of illegal possession of prescription drugs. (CBS News 4/28)

The Broward County Sheriff's Office even took down the yellow tape around his medicine chest.

[] Cardinals Mahoney and McCarrick had breakfast with White House religion advisor, Karl Rove. (Los Angeles Times 4/29)

Rove was confused on the proper protocol surrounding ring kissing so avoided the issue by not wearing it.

[] M.G.M. Mirage will partner with the Mashantucket Pequot Tribal Nation to build a $700 million hotel-casino in New Haven, Conn. (New York Times 4/28)

Which will be named the "White Man Speak With Forked Tongue----Grand."

[] Congress is considering legislation that would allow the C.I.A. to cancel the pension the checks of retirees who disclose sensitive material. (Los Angeles Times 4/30)

But not before subjecting them to a rigorous "good accountant----bad accountant" interrogation.

[] Six of the top ten National League players are from Latin America and five of the top ten American League players are Latinos. (Los Angeles Times 4/30)

Relief pitchers are now routinely referred to as "guest workers."

[] Last year, 1.8 million Third World infants died from dehydration due to diarrhea. (Los Angeles Times 4/30)

While drug company researchers focus their efforts on finding a cure for "restless leg syndrome."

[] Sound Book Summaries condenses the glut of executive improvement books for the busy corporate mover and shaker. (Los Angeles Times 5/1)

To free up more time cancel pension plans, break unions, search for corporate tax loopholes and outsource jobs to India.

[] The issue of lifting the ban on gay rabbis was considered and rejected in 1992. (Los Angeles Times 5/1)

At a National Rabbinical Conference at Brokeback Mount Zion.

[] Starbucks has hired the William Morris Agency to help identify music, film and book projects to market. (Los Angeles Times 5/1)

Celebrating the event with a new menu entry----the "Unreturned Phone Calls French Vanilla Latte."

[] Heisman Trophy winner U.S.C. running back Reggie Bush is passed over as first round N.F.L. draft pick. (Los Angeles Daily News 4/30)

The glove just didn't fit.

[] Today marks the third anniversary of Bush's "Mission Accomplished" banner raised on the U.S.S. Lincoln. (Associated Press 4/30)

That's now on display beside the "tilted E" Enron sign at the Smithsonian's All-Time Greatest Frauds exhibit.

[] More than 80 years have passed since the corpse of Vladimir Lenin was placed on display in Red Square, enhansed by chemicals and cosmetic lighting. (Los Angeles Times 4/30)

Actually, he's starting to look a little like Cher.