WEDNESDAY, April 10, 2013

VERISIMILITUDE -- Fox is developing a nine-part docudrama on the OJ Simpson case.  Striving for as much authenticity as possible, the set designer visited OJ's old condo to get color samples and found Kato Kaelin still asleep on the couch. 

CHANCE MEETING -- Snoop Dogg and Miley Cyrus duet on a new release.  Did they even know each other?  No, but the Snooper recently read an article in Dog Grooming Magazine listing the most popular pup names and number three was "Miley."  Number seven was "Cyrus" and the rest is history.

LISTING -- The Tampa Bay Rays apologized for a photo taken of their manta ray mascot holding "To Do" list with "1. Steve Irwin" crossed off and "2. World Series."  They claim they got the idea from the NY Yankee's "Done and Done" list that names the Hollywood bimbos the team deflowered the previous season. 

CHEERS! -- The George Washington exhibit at the Mount Vernon Museum will soon allow visitors to sample rye whiskey distilled from the recipe used by the first president.  Tastes pretty good except for the creosote he added to termite-proof his dentures.  

CLASS DIVISION -- A new study in USA Today concludes that environment plays a major role in the lives of young urban criminals.  Same for  criminals who develop their craft in gated communities.  They're often conflicted and confused, for instance, when their drug supplier is also the pool man and is sleeping with mom.



(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY -- Martha Raye was one of the most sought-after USO performers in WWII, Korea and Vietnam.  She was a good friend of Hope's and appeared as a guest on his special many times.  Watch Martha and view over 550 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope Specials available nowhere else!  Each are dated the year they originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92.  Included are segments from 1978's "Bob Hope Down Under" from Perth, Australia and 1979's "Bob Hope in China" taped in Peking and Shanghai (with Mikhail Baryshnikov).  Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget!
www.youtube.com/thelaughmakers

OVER 1,000,000 VIEWS!

TUESDAY, April 9, 2013

PRESTO CHANGE-O -- Fans of the popular pick-a-card magic duo Penn and Teller  flocked to Hollywood Boulevard for the presentation of their star on the Walk of Fame.  Got a little strange, though.  Halfway through Penn Gillette's acceptance speech, the name on the star suddenly changed to "David Copperfield."
 

CLASS RANK -- EdX, a non-profit funded by Harvard and MIT, has developed software that can grade college exams immediately upon their completion.  Think of it.  This could change dating forever.  Instead of "How was it for You?" you'll be able to check your I-Pad for an unbiased assessment.
 

SHOP WORN -- Fed up with online customers who first scope products in their brick and mortar stores, some retailers in Australia are assessing a $5 door charge just to come in and look around.  Think that's greedy?  Some even follow nightclub protocol with a two-purchase minimum.
 

RENT CONTROL -- Forty-five year old Troy James Knapp, who for the past nine years lived as a hermit burglarizing cabins in the hills around Salt Lake City, was arrested by Sanpete County Sheriff's deputies.  He was able to keep one step ahead of the cops until he decided to move into the Unabomber's old digs which they were all too familiar with.  
 

COCK-A-DOODLE-DONE -- KFC's recently announced plans to begin offering boneless chicken my be delayed.  Seems they didn't modify their cages and the ones without bones are now able to suck in their breath, slip between the bars, and begin new lives in the wild.


(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)
 

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY -- SNL vet Chevy Chase appeared as a presenter at "The Kennedy Center Honors Bob Hope."  View over 550 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope Specials available nowhere else!  Each are dated the year they originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92.  Included are segments from 1978's "Bob Hope Down Under" from Perth, Australia and 1979's "Bob Hope in China" taped in Peking and Shanghai (with Mikhail Baryshnikov).  Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget!
Click here:
 www.youtube.com/thelaughmakers

NOW OVER 1,000,000 views! 

SUN, MON, April 7, 8, 2013

COLONEL KLINK -- KFC has announced their biggest menu change in decades -- they will soon begin offering their finger lickin' fried chicken boneless.  They would have announced it sooner, but they thought waiting for the 15th anniversary of Viagra would give it more impact.
 

WOOLLY WONDERS -- Bowing to demands from environmentalists, the Paris Public Parks Department will employ herds of sheep to replace pollution-causing gasoline mowers.  The French have always had unique solutions to gardening challenges, haven't they?   Snails? No problem. We'll eat 'em!
 

YOU'RE GETTING SLEEPY -- ATR Computational Neuroscience Laboratories in Kyoto has designed a program that can interpret dreams with 80% accuracy.  Beyond its Freudian applications as a psychiatric aid, the company hopes to partner with ChristianMingle.com to help people find the love of their dreams.  
 

WILD MUSHROOMS -- The Pentagon has reacted to the most serious threat to world peace since the Cuban missile crisis by moving our anti-ballistic missile defenses closer to Guam.  If this doesn't scare Kim Jong Un, they may consider the unthinkable -- sending in Rutger's former Athletic Department.
 

WATCH THE BIRDIE -- Victims of inexpensive digital cameras and phones, all 800 Sears baby photo studios will close.  Don't feel bad for the suddenly jobless photographers, though -- they've all been transferred to Sears's Allstate Insurance department to take pictures of customers bowling after filing a whiplash claim.  
 
(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved) 

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY -- A veteran of the "Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts," FOSTER BROOKS appeared as a guest on Bob Hope's special opening the Gerald R. Ford Museum in Grand Rapids, Mich.  View over 550 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope Specials available nowhere else!  Each are dated the year they originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92.  Included are segments from 1978's "Bob Hope Down Under" from Perth, Australia and 1979's "Bob Hope in China" taped in Peking and Shanghai (with Mikhail Baryshnikov).  Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget! www.youtube.com/thelaughmakers

FRI, SAT, April 5, 6, 2013

NUMBER ONE SON -- It's official.  Jay Leno and Burbank will be replaced in the Spring by Jimmy Fallon and New York.  In an attempt to appease Jay, NBC has promised him a juicy role as a wise proverb-quoting detective in a planned crime drama now in development.  Inspired by the popular Charlie Chan movies of the 1940s, the new series will be called "Charlie Chin."
 

ALAS, I KNEW HIM WELL -- Researchers have discovered that one of England's earliest millionnaires had, like many since, income tax problems.  In fact, his ongoing feud with the Nottingham tax collector would occasionally sneak into his work.  For instance, the famous line from Hamlet originally went "To be audited or not to be audited, that is the question."
 

CHEW CHEW BOOGIE -- Wrigley has announced success by its scientists in formulating a chewing gum that has the caffeine in two cups of coffee per stick.  Kind of surprising, isn't it?   Didn't we all conclude it would take a Starbuck's to figure out yet one more way to stick it to us? 

HI-TEST DECAF -- According to a London Daily Mail article, a UK inventor has come up with a way to run an internal combustion engine on coffee.   Will be convenient, you have to admit, if not more economical.  You'll be able to refuel your car and yourself from the same pump at a Starbuck's Drive-thru.
 

VELVET ROPED -- A recent study on childhood health disclosed that the number injuries suffered by teens while dancing are at their highest level ever.  Most ERs report sprained ankles, displaced hips, and in Hollywood, abrasions sustained while being shoved aside by Lindsay Lohan entering a club at 3 am.



(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved) 

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY -- GEORGE BUSH the Elder appeared on Bob Hope's Salute to West Point in 1981.  View George and over 550 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope Specials available nowhere else!  Each are dated the year they originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92.  Included are segments from 1978's "Bob Hope Down Under" from Perth, Australia and 1979's "Bob Hope in China" taped in Peking and Shanghai (with Mikhail Baryshnikov).  Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget!

Click here:
www.youtube.com/thelaughmakers

THURSDAY, April 4, 2013

LOOKALIKES -- New Yorkers are flocking to Madame Tussuad's to see their recently unveiled  Britney Spears figure.  First-time visitors appear confused by the similarity of Britany to the nearby Lindsay Lohan figure -- until they notice that Lindsay's statue  has a wick at both ends.
 

RUN IT UP THE FLAG POLE -- Pfizer Pharmaceuticals marks the 15th anniversary of their life-changing product, Viagra.  The company will never forget April 12, 1998.  Four hours after the new product was released, phone calls from doctors all over the country flooded their switchboard asking if their patients were just bragging... or what?
 

WALMARITAL.COM -- Walmart has begun hiring in-store customers to deliver products ordered on line to neighbors who live nearby.  The program has produced an unexpected benefit.  During the six-month test period, 37% of the participants began dating -- with three marriages resulting so far.
 

FLIGHT DECK MIXER -- Addressing internal battery problems plaguing its new 787 Dreamliner, Boeing is retraining its pilots to apply battery power only after amp meters have been checked to be sure all appliances have been deactivated -- like the flight deck party ice-crusher, often left on for the pilot's the pre-flight Margarita.
 

RUBBER MISMATCH -- Seniors in Oklahoma are being cautioned to beware of Medicare scammers who have been targeting older homes with ramps, offering their elderly residents $300 Michelin wheelchair tires which they claim stop on a dime in front of any restaurant with an Early Bird Dinner menu.
 
(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)
 

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY -- Former heavyweight champ Jerry Cooney appeared as a guest on "Bob Hope Salutes West Point" in 1981.  View over 550 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope Specials available nowhere else!  Each are dated the year they originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92.  Included are segments from 1978's "Bob Hope Down Under" from Perth, Australia and 1979's "Bob Hope in China" taped in Peking and Shanghai (with Mikhail Baryshnikov).  Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget!
 Click here:
  www.youtube.com/thelaughmakers

WEDNESDAY, April 3, 2013

PLAY BALL! -- On major league baseball's opening day, the Los Angeles Dodgers unveiled their new $100 stadium face lift.  Improvements include wider aisles, larger, clearer scoreboards, and a Barkley's Bank ATM in the dugout for the players to more easily deposit their $230 million worth of paychecks.  
 

SHYSTER SHORTAGE -- Struggling to repay average student loans of $100,000, forty graduates of California law schools have sued them, claiming a lack of jobs as promised in the schools' brochures.   Several environmental groups have filed a counter suit asking the court to declare their failure a blessing. 
 

BRAIN GAME -- President Obama launched a new project called the "Brain Initiative" geared to improve the development of science in America to better compete with China and India.   Goals include unlocking the mysteries of  epilepsy, dementia, Alzheimer's, and the unexplained ratings decline of "American Idol."  
 

PROFESSIONAL COURTESY -- Apple apologized to customers in China after the state newspaper "The People's Daily" took the company to task for their shoddy after-sale service.  Seems that purchasers in Beijing and Shanghai resented having to call India to get tech advice on the very devices they had assembled.

AIR CALORIE -- Air Samoa has introduced the concept of  basing their fares on a passenger's weight plus luggage, charging $1 to $4.15 per kilogram depending on the length of the trip.   And here's the best part, ladies.  The scale they use has no dial -- the clerk at the check-in counter receives it digitally and whispers it to you. 




(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)
 

LESLIE NEILSEN guested on "Bob Hope Salutes West Point" in 1981.  View over 550 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope Specials available nowhere else!  Each are dated the year they originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92.  Included are segments from 1978's "Bob Hope Down Under" from Perth, Australia and 1979's "Bob Hope in China" taped in Peking and Shanghai (with Mikhail Baryshnikov).  Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget! www.youtube.com/thelaughmakers

TUESDAY, April 2, 2013

SACRED STOPWATCH -- Rookie Pope Francis is turning out to be the most unorthodox pontiff in recent history.  On the job less than a month and already he's moved into a scaled down apartment, worked the crowds without bodyguards, and shortened his usual daily Mass by half.  And he shortens everything.  Nuns around the world are struggling to get used to a rosary with three beads and a pewter medal of the Madonna -- not the Blessed Virgin, the singer.
 

THE WINNER IS... -- UCLA has signed basketball coach  Steve Alford to a seven year, $18.2 million contract.   After vetting many candidates, the Athletic Department finally settled on Alford although the choice wasn't easy.   The search was narrowed to three highly qualified candidates -- Alford, Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un.
 

BARREL OF FUN -- Authorities in Germany refused to admit  Jason Bieber's capuchin monkey at the Munich Airport.   The animal was almost through Customs when the agents finally concluded that he looked too friendly for Jason's agent, too kind to be his lawyer.  And he presented a suspicious passport signed by Jack Hanna.
 

LAP RIDERS -- To relieve rampant diamond lane congestion, The California Highway Department may require carpools to have at least three riders rather than two.  Could be a problem, though.  With layoffs so common, it's almost impossible to find three employees who work for the same company.
 

PORKY -- Animal right advocates in Spain are demanding that the government ban the ancient and cruel art of "pigsticking," best described as a fox hunt for bacon lovers. We have nothing in the U.S. even remotely similar -- unless you count "Real Housewives of Orange County."  
(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)
 

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY -- Dionne Warwick appeared on the Bob Hope special entitled "Hope on Campus" at the University of  Notre Dame.   View over 550 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope Specials available nowhere else!  Each are dated the year they originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92.  Included are segments from 1978's "Bob Hope Down Under" from Perth, Australia and 1979's "Bob Hope in China" taped in Peking and Shanghai (with Mikhail Baryshnikov).  Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget! 

 www.youtube.com/thelaughmakers

SUN, MON, March 31 - April 1, 2013

CODE NAME CINDERELLA --Julia Pierson, the first female head of the U.S. Secret Service, credits her high school summer job as a guide at Disneyland where she learned crowd control.  When you think about it, not much has changed -- she's still protecting cartoon characters.

THE UN-COLA -- North Korea's portly strongman Kim Jong Un continues his sabre-rattling despite his country's widespread starvation, spotty plumbing and little electricity.  In fact, it's so backward, it's known among other Third World countries as "the Carnival Cruise Line" of Southeast Asia. 

 

BEEP, BEEP -- Sales of mobility scooters for the disabled has become a $1 billion industry in the U.S., but an investigation revealed that 80% of people who buy them through Medicare aren't disabled.  The most blatant cases involved people using them as golf carts and on cruises to cover the long distances between buffets.

 

RING-A-DING-DING -- Three $25,000 NBA Championship rings owned by former LA Laker A.C. Green were stolen from his Palos Verdes Estates home.  Police issued an APB to all members of their Grand Theft Unit, alerted pawn shops to be on the lookout for them, and placed Lindsay Lohan under 24-hour surveillance.

TAX ATTACK -- Fans of Dionne Warwick were stunned this week to learn that she owes a whopping $10 million to the IRS in unpaid income taxes.  Seems she knew the way to San Jose but once there, completely forgot the address of H&R Block.



(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved) 

DON KING appears as a guest on "Bob Hope Salutes West Point" in 1981.  View the clip and over 550 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope Specials available nowhere else!  Each are dated the year they originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92.  Included are segments from 1978's "Bob Hope Down Under" from Perth, Australia and 1979's "Bob Hope in China" taped in Peking and Shanghai (with Mikhail Baryshnikov).  Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget!
 
www.youtube.com/thelaughmakers