MONDAY, November 19, 2012

LIFE PRESERVER -- Responding to a 2009 mandate by the U.S. Attorney General, the use of protective body armor by police officers nationwide has risen 29% since 2009.  Most popular Kevlar under-uniform jacket is the "Smith & Wesson 500" that's shaped like a Krispy Kreme donut with sprinkles.

FUGETABOUTIT -- The state of Nevada is preparing to celebrate its 150th anniversary in 2014.  Plans are already underway in Las Vegas for a parade featuring floats designed to honor famous mob bosses who came over on the Mayflower and hired their first Strip headliner -- Cher.
 

HEAVY DUTY -- City fathers in Providence Rhode Island are perplexed by the recent theft of 241 hundred-and-eighty pound cast iron manhole covers.  Police suspect someone is attaching legs to them and selling them at flea markets as designer coffee tables.

McDOMINOS -- Responding to its first monthly sales decline in ten years, McDonald's will soon offer home delivery of its fast food menu items.  May be embarrassing in front of the neighbors, though.  A delivery kid in a Ronald McDonald costume arrives driving a clown car.
 

BUGGED -- Here's an alarming statistic from the CDC:  You're almost twice as likely to suffer from food poisoning today than you were just two years ago.  You know you may soon be among the unsuspecting victims if your waiter gives you a Handy Wipe suck on while you're waiting for your order.

Contents Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved