BIBLE BELTED -- Dubbing
the show “too homosexual and pornographic,” Christian fundamentalists protested
outside the opening of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way Ball” tour in Seoul, South
Korea, to an “adults only” audience of 45,000 screaming fans. The crowd got some satisfaction since the show got underway two hours late due to
an administrative oversight – seems the Korean Ministry of Culture had issued a
performance permit for only one of her Ga’s.
ON THE ROAD AGAIN? -- Unemployment
in Spain has reached an all-time high with 5,639,500 people either looking for
a job or abandoning hope of ever landing one.
No one, it seems, has escaped the devastating economic downturn. Yesterday, someone spotted Julio Iglesias on
a freeway off-ramp holding up a cardboard sign that said “Will cut another
album with Willie Nelson for food.”
COCKPIT CHATTER -- In an
effort to reduce the carnage on our highways, a new bill just passed by
Congress will require American auto-makers to install a “black box” that will
electronically record the car’s mechanical behavior, like the ones
in airliners do. It may be a little too
similar. Under the new law, drivers will have
to undergo a predrive screening by the TSA before being allowed to board their
cars.
CELL-A-THON -- In the
ever-escalating war among cellular telephone manufacturers, Samsung Electronics
has overtaken longtime world-sales champ Nokia to become the world's largest manufacturer
of mobile phones. Samsung gained the
advantage according to industry analysts by targeting small market segments
with specialized designs – like the ultra-light “Fling-Bling 220,” perfect for
supermodels to throw at their maids.
FINGER LICKIN' -- A court
in Sydney, Australia has levied one of the largest personal injury judgments
against KFC Restaurants, awarding
plaintiff Monika Samaan $8,300,000 after she caught salmonella poisoning
from a “Twister Wrap,” one of the most popular menu items that contained
chicken that may have been dropped on the kitchen floor. Well, it’s just as we’ve always suspected –
the Colonel’s eight secret herbs and spices apparently don’t include an antibiotic.
Copyright (c) 2012 Robert L. Mills All Rights Reserved