WEDNESDAY, March 14, 2012


Long rumored and now confirmed, the Schwarzeneggers are reconciling and, contrary to what you might assume, it’s not for the children.  The legal fees were becoming astronomical and the parties just couldn’t agree on who would get custody of Arnold’s abs.

Former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson has been signed by the MGM Grand  in Vegas to do a standup act in their main room.  Those who have been lucky enough to watch a rehearsal say he has a gangbuster closer -- he brings Evander Holyfield on stage and nibbles on his ear.
 
According to a report from the Governors Highway Safety Asso., speeding on our nations freeways has increased by 7%, the worst states being Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Ohio, Texas and Virginia.  Even more shocking -- Pennsylvania reports speeding by Amish buggies up 26%.

Facing criticism that their recruiting message has been too warlike, the Marine Corps is attempting to send a gentler, more appealing message to potential recruits.  May have gone too far, though.  Their theme song now goes, “From the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Fire Island.”

Authorities in Portland, Oregon are investigating the case of a 3-year-old girl that doctors found had 37 magnets in her stomach.  Might have just been an innocent misunderstanding.  The tot’s mom told police that when she heard her child had been admitted to a magnet school, she just assumed. . .