North Korea’s Kim Jong Un’s interest in American celebrities is already paying valuable dividends. Kim agreed to suspend his government’s nuclear weapons program, but not without demanding something in return. If Obama is reelected in November, he had to agree to book Margaret Cho for his Inaugural Ball.
According to a recent poll, the happiest Americans live in Hawaii. And why not? Fleecing unsuspecting tourists by hanging flowers around their neck that they picked for nothing and selling them conch shells they found on the beach while wearing free clothes they made out of grass.
A popular trend among celebrities and gaining with civilians is naming kids after the location of their conception -- like London, Avalon or Paris. Our parents did the same, but were even more specific, as I was just telling my brother “Rumble Seat” and my sister “Divan.”
Apparently, we need to bribe students in our ongoing attempt to catch up to the Chinese. A Cincinnati high school awards a Visa Card with a $25 credit to outstanding students. Big deal. In China, the outstanding kids get part ownership in Bank of America.
A vending machine outside the student union at Shippensburg College contains female morning-after tablets. But undergraduates aren’t allowed to buy them without first taking Biology 1A and Introduction to the New Testament.
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