MONDAY, February 20, 2012

Hugh Hefner's 20 year-old son Marston has been charged with asasulting his girlfriend, 2011 Playmate Claire Sinclair.  Maybe it's all for the best.  Geneticists warn that if the son of the inventor of the Playmate marries a Playmate, there's a 40% chance that their offspring will be born with staples across their stomach.

Federal investigators are examining complaints that school authorities in North Carolina reportedly made teen-age girls flip their bras up during a concealed  weapons search.  Teachers blame the popularity of Smith & Wessen's new Cross-Your-Heart C Cup semi-automatic.

Preparing for the eagerly-awaited March debut of the iPad3, Apple's factory workers in Maylasia are toiling in three shifts, round the clock.  In fact, they've been so busy, they barely had time to fill out Angelina Jolie's adoption application.

The most valuable franchise in the NBA is are now the Los Angeles Lakers, barely edging out the New York Knicks.  Factors considered included yearly ticket sales, player salaries,  stadium value and a pile of diamond rings found in Kobe Bryant's locker.