Archaeologists excavating near Palestine turned up a marble statue of a Roman boxer they date at 0002. This guy had turned pro in 20 BC and had what's still considered the best corner men in fisticuffs history. Matthew, Mark and Luke handled his ringside strategy and Jesus was his cut man.
"Wheel of Fortune" emcee Pat Sajak recently confessed to an interviewer on ESPN that he sometimes went to work blotto. Actually, the audience suspected as much one night when he entered the studio, thought he was at his AA meeting, and announced, "My name is Pat and I've been hosting this mindless pap for 32 years."
Elton John and his partner, David Furnish, have released photos of their new baby Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John conceived by a surrogate mom with sperm from both men. But it's pretty obvious that Elton's sperm won the race upstream. The baby was born wearing over sized sequined sunglasses.
Hoping to reverse a gradual downward trend in cash register receipts, the Olive Garden restaurant chain has instituted some changes in decor and service. For instance, to add biblical authenticity, waiters dressed in a robe and sandals will kneel at your table while taking your order.