Convinced that he'll eventually be exonerated from sexual harassment accusations, Herman Cain has agreed to take a lie-detector test to speed up the process. Typical of a former pizza man, he promised to quit the race if he doesn't deliver the truth within 30 minutes or less.
Three men robbed a Washington, D.C. bank of $100,000. Two of them were wearing George W. Bush masks and a third, wearing a Dick Cheney mask, told the teller to hand over all her cash or he'd water board her.
Lindsay Lohan was released from jail after serving only four hours of a 30-day sentence for violating her probation. Apparently, in Los Angeles, celebrity pet owners are allowed to convert their sentences into dog years.
Thanks to massive budget cuts, the City Council in Smithfield, North Carolina no longer provides the police department gas for their cruisers. Next time you're caught in Springfield's speed trap, try bribing the guy with your Shell credit card.
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