FRI, SAT, SUN, March 18, 19, 20, 2011

The US experienced a run on anti-radiation iodine pills called “Thyro-Safe”, spurred by people who believe the Japanese nuclear disaster could reach US shores.  CDC doctors were quick to diffuse the panic, reassuring the public that anti-Charlie Sheen pills would better protect their health.

Gennady Yanin, director of the famed Russian Bolshoi Ballet, resigned after sexually explicit photos of him were circulated on the web.  The photos have been taken down, but according to reports they involved handcuffs, swan feather dusters and a flashing neon codpiece.

Despite Gen. Petraeus and his rosy glasses, a whopping 65% of Americans now believe that the US invasion of Afghanistan was a mistake -- 22% said they were all right with it and 18%, interviewed at a Christina Agulera concert said, “There’s a war in Afghanistan?”

Rumors are flooding Hollywood that Arnold Schwartzenegger and Danny DeVito have signed on for a “Twins” sequel in which they discover they’re triplets and the third baby was Eddie Murphy.  The script doesn’t sound too realistic, though. In it, Eddie becomes governor of California.    

Charlie Sheen told ABC News that he will soon peddle products on the internet.  What products would you guess Charlie might have a good chance of moving off the shelves?  Well, for starters you have Xanax, Valium, Librium, Paxil, Prozax, Zoloft, Ativan, and Celexa, not to mention several brands of straight-jackets and three national rehab chains.