FRI, SAT, SUN, May 28, 29, 30

LAFFS From The PAST   From our issue dated May 29, 2000

According to a report by the National Institute of Medicine, doctors in the US make, on average, 98,000 mistakes annually.   The most common mistake: assuming, without verification, that the patient's charge card is still within its credit limit.

Bob Dole has been signed by Comedy Central as a political commentator for the upcoming presidential campaign. Between this job and Bob's Viagra gig, his wife should be entertained 24/7.

Addressing law school graduates, Bill Rehnquist warned against workaholism and urged the new lawyers to "develop a capacity to enjoy pastimes that many can enjoy simultaneously."    He recommends physically challenging activities that they're uniquely suited for like chasing ambulances on foot or terrorizing beach goers during the summer months.

Secretary of Defense William Cohen has invited George Bush to the Pentagon for a briefing on our strategic nuclear arsenal.    He also sent him a list of world leaders whose countries have atomic weapons and a coloring book to help him understand the intricacies of nuclear missiles.
 
Until next time, I leave you with the immortal words of Sweat who is reported to have told Tears, "I don't know about you, but I can no longer stand the sight of Blood."

_______________________________

Excerpted From THE LAUGH MAKERS  

During our month-long visit to tape a 3-hour special in China in 1979, our first run-in with the Ministry of Culture evolved as follows. We had written a spot that was to be taped in front of the Democracy Wall, a poster forum in downtown Peking that had recently received a lot of ink in the world press. Now that they had undergone a Cultural Revolution (so the theory went), any Chinese citizen was free not only to criticize the government, but to post his thoughts for all to read.  Our version of this newly-found right of free speech went like this:

HOPE: (to Chinese man pasting) Sir, would you mind 
translating that for me?

MAN: Not at all. I’m complaining about all the crime 
in the streets, traffic congestion, loud music at night 
and air pollution.

HOPE: Gee, I had no idea Peking had all those problems.
 
MAN: Oh, I’m not from Peking. I’m from from Passaic, 
New Jersey.

A permit to film at the wall had been requested and granted. The problem was, the actual script was completed just minutes before it was to be shot. There simply was no time to obtain an additional signature on our permit covering the changes.  News of the sketch we shot reached Culture faster than the invasion of Nanking. You’d have thought the guy was from Tibet. The officials demanded the tape right out of our camera.

Bob Wynn explained that it couldn’t be removed without destroying other material on the same reel.  After several head-to-head meetings, Hope was issued an ultimatum: unless the Democracy Wall tape was turned over to them by day’s end, no tape of our special would be allowed to leave the country.

While Hope, Lipton and Wynn continued the delicate negotiations, we managed to smuggle out the offending segment hidden among footage being sent back to Los Angeles with Jess Marlow, a local newsman who was covering our trip for KNBC.  The Ministry backed down only after receiving a signed affidavit from Hope that the segment wouldn’t be included in our special. It wasn’t, but from that point on during our visit, even the food served at our honorary banquets seemed markedly cooler. The Democracy Wall was demolished shortly thereafter and has never been rebuilt.

Next week:  Hope tangles with a recalcitrant critic.

Order THE LAUGH MAKERS on line:

http://www.amazon.com/LAUGH-MAKERS-Behind-Scenes-Incredible/product-reviews/1593933231/ref=cm_cr_pr_link_2?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&pageNumber=2

Also available in an unabridged audio version read by the author: 

http://www.audible.com/adbl/site/products/ProductDetail.jsp?BV_SessionID=@@@@0545479184.1272211432@@@@&BV_EngineID=cccjadekfdmleefcefecekjdffidfmf.0&productID=BK_BEAR_000001
 
UK orders:

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