Rhymes With Witch

[] Ann Coulter calls the World Trade Center widows the "Witches of East Brunswick" who used their grief to support John Kerry and villify the 9-11 commission. Hillary Clinton says she should have called the book "Heartless." (USA Today 6/8)

She probably wouldn't have approved of Ann's first title, either---- "The Lewinsky Code."

[] California Republican Duncan Hunter sponsored a bill to allow disabled vets to hunt elk and deer stocked by a private firm on federal land saying, "What a great place for our disabled guys to hunt. I though this would be a really wonderful thing." (USA Today 6/8)

If this program catches on, he plans to stock it with some old lawyers for vets who like dove hunting.

[] A Homeland Security air marshall has been grounded after telling 20-20 that passengers can recognize agents because of their wardrobe and demeanor. (USA Today 6/8)

Especially when they hand out autographs after the showing of "United 93."

[] Bush optimistic about Iran's reaction to nuke plan. "Sounds like a positive step to me," he tells reporters.(USA Today 6/7)

Like invading Iraq, saying "Bring 'em on," revamping social security, putting Michael Brown in charge of FEMA, nominating Harriet Miers, letting Arabs guard the ports, extending the tax cuts, posting "Mission Accomplished" sign...

[] Declassified documents show that the CIA knew the whereabouts of Adolph Eichmann two years before the Israelis seized him. (USA Today 6/7)

Then they made the mistake of telling the FBI which lost track of him again.

[] Vatican issues an attack on gay marriage, lesbian motherhood and gay adoption. (USA Today 6/7)

Again reiterating their position that unconventional sex should be confined to the sacristry where it belongs.

[] Thirteen states now use GPS tracking devices to monitor the activities of sex offenders wearing ankle bracelets. (USA Today 6/7)

Now if they can develop a device that will clamp onto a Roman collar.

[] The Israeli army will greatly reduce itrs reserve forces, believed to be the best in the world. (USA Today 6/6)

And given credit for inventing the battlefield M.B.R.E.'s----Matzo Balls Ready to Eat.

[] The governor of Arizona vetoed a bill that would have criminalized undocumented workers. (USA Today 6/7)

After thousands of restaurants throughout the state posted signs reading "Please bus your own plates and silverware."

[] A third grade teacher in Virginia was found guilty of aiding a Pakistani terrorist organization. (USA Today 6/7)

Headed by the nototious Osama Bin Rogers.

[] Cheney and Congress strike a deal in NSA oversight of phone call monitoring. (USA Today 6/7)

AT & T's new "Tapper ID" program will automatically kick in every time a government spook picks up.

[] Wendy's fires a broadside at McDonald's and Burger King in lowering cholesterol-forming trans fats in their french fries. (USA Today 6/8)

Which they've named "Ticker Taters."

[] The first photos of Brad and Angelina's new baby appear in the current issue of People Magazine. (USA Today 6/8)

Also available on line at Bastardsofcelebrities.com

[] A new survey shows that drinking and use of i-Pods top the list of college extrcurricular activities. (USA Today 6/8)

Latest campus fad: Chugcasting.

[] The Florida legislature has upgraded the manatee from "endangered" to the less-endangered "threatened." (USA Today 6/8)

And upgraded Katherine Harris to "almost thawed."

[] Colorado Rockies seek religious revival on and off the diamond. (USA Today 6/5)

Could cost them the pennant, though. Now they refuse to steal bases.

[] New Gallup poll shows 28% of Americans believe the bible is literally true. (Time Magazine 6/12)

And 17% of them are sure Ann Coulter is a direct descendent of Mary Magdalene.